Fake Listening: The Art of Looking Engaged!
Several summers ago a friend and her family visited me in Florida and attended a presentation at the wildlife park on the lovable manatee. The park ranger was very enthusiastic and was standing facing the row of bleachers with the park’s observatory behind him where manatee were grazing on seagrass. My friend’s young niece chose a front row seat and was listening very attentively, taking in every word.
At the end of the presentation, the park ranger invited questions. The little girl quickly popped up her arm and waved her tiny hand as her parents gleamed with pride for their daughter’s inquisitive nature. She waited patiently, and finally when called on, she raised and pointed her two little feet toward the guide, wiggled her stubby ten toes and responded with her own profound question. “Do you like my new sandals?”
This precious story is a perfect example of fake or “pseudo-listening.” When someone appears attentive during a conversation but is actually “sort of listing” because of distractions, lack of focus, or perhaps lack of interest, understanding the feelings behind the conversation or comment is missed. Fake listening” is usually not done with malice, as the little girl was just proud of her new sandals while seeking validation from the park ranger.
I’m sure many of us have mastered the art of “looking engaged.” I am distracted at times during a conversation, especially when trying to do a task while listening. When we are busy thinking about our next comment rather than truly “listening,” we missed the emotion behind what is being said.
Learning new skills take practice, but enhancing communication skills to better interact with people living with dementia is completely worth the effort, as interactions become more pleasant and meaningful for everyone. By gaining a greater awareness of how we listen and speak, fewer conflicts in conversation can help relieve stress for everyone!
If you would like more information about our Memory Ministry, Memory Cafe or Family and Friends Education Workshops, please contact Vicky at vpitner@firstumc.org.