Navigating Family Dynamics when Dementia Knocks on Your Door
The collection of pivotal moments that have greatly influenced our lives, such as a new job offer, the birth of a baby, meeting someone new, or learning of a family member’s dementia diagnosis that comes unexpectedly and abruptly, gives pause and reflects on the future. Pivotal moments can help define who you are and offers insight into how you embrace change and challenges of critical moments in your life.
These “and then moments” may occur when least expected. These defining moments can be unwanted, and you may feel unprepared. When life changes suddenly, uncertainty, anxiety, stress, and fear can create negative emotions or create inspiration with the realization of the strengths you never knew we had.
All families have relationship patterns that include expression of emotions, conflict resolution strategies, or stress management techniques that is passed through generations. When your family’s life shifts and you experience the “and then moment” of learning someone you love has dementia, your life may feel it has been turned upsized down. When families do not seek education and support, due to emotional denial, fear, or stigma, families experience burnout, depression, and the family member being supported may face safety risks.
However, research shows with education and support, healthier family dynamics can evolve. Healthy families supporting someone living with dementia are associated with higher personal strengths, increased emotional and physical resilience, better communication, increase in compassion and empathy, provides quality support for the person living with dementia, and can actually bring families together.
Below are tips to make sure your family can be healthier despite a dementia diagnosis:
- Understand that one person cannot provide support alone! Ease in slowly to a family action plan!
- Identify strengths in each family member and assign responsibilities accordingly. Even if families members live out of town, they can still offer support. Can an uncle with bookkeeping experience assist with ensuring bills are paid? Is there a family member with organizational skills that can oversee appointments, and schedules? Even a grandchild at college can set up a group text to family members and send motivational quotes of inspiration each day.
- Hold family meetings to ensure everyone is on the same page. Weekly Zoom meetings, conference calls, or finding an app that can used to share updates and needs.
- Do you have a family member who enjoys learning? It is always best that all family members receive education about the diagnosis, but one family member can go more in depth with learning and share information with others.
- Financial support. Often family members are unaware of the added expense to the daily household budget. Small, manageable contributions can add up and promote a feeling of support from family members afar.
- Friends matter and are important throughout our lives. Most friends want to maintain the friendship after the diagnosis, but often don’t know how. Reach out to the person’s friends. You might be surprised! Friends often become friends from shared interest. Did you family member have a golfing buddy? A lunch date at the country club can spark memories of the good times!
- Develop a Circle of Support for Respite Support! Besides friends, reach out to neighbors. Can a neighbor pick up a gallon of milk on the weekly grocery run? A 30 minute morning visit with coffee and a snack can give you time to just sit and relax. You can reap the benefits from even short respites.
- Most importantly, find ways to engage with your family member through meaningful activities. People living with cognitive decline still need to feel a sense of purpose and enjoy life.Maintaining healthy family dynamics is key in providing the most effective support, and promotes living a life of quality for the entire family.
If you would like more information about our Memory Ministry, Memory Cafe or Family and Friends Workshops, please contact Vicky at vpitner@firstumc.org.