Gathering for a Thankful Thanksgiving When Living with Dementia
With Thanksgiving only a couple of weeks away, it is time to start planning for a meaningful holiday to ensure your family member or friend living with a dementia feels included and a sense of belonging.
First, what is a “gathering”? While reading Priya Parker’s book The Art of Gathering: How we meet and why it matters a couple of years ago, I developed a deeper understanding of “gathering for a purpose.” She suggests we rarely think of the meaning and purpose when planning a gathering. She says we spend a considerable amount of time planning the decorations or foods to serve, when we should be “thinking less about the what, and more about the why.”
High expectations around the holidays can be stressful, but when you consider your family member with each decision you make can greatly influence the true “meaning” of your holiday gathering. Below are a 8 tips to ensure a joyful gathering.
- Staying as much as possible to the persons eating routine can help minimize anxiety. Consider an early lunch or brunch rather than a late evening celebration. Confusion and anxiety for the person living with dementia can often be worse in the evenings.
- Keep with the routine for your family member. Make sure everyone is well rested and watch for signs of anxiety and be prepared to adjust.
- Find a quiet spot for the person to sit if the stimulation is too intense and have refreshments Others can come to the quiet place to visit.
- If family members or friends haven’t visited recently and are unaware of significant cognitive changes in the person, this can be very overwhelming. Let others know what to expect ahead of time.
- Avoid talking about current events around your family member. Conversations are hard to follow with memory loss. Reminiscence reminds us of some of our best times and works well to help your family member feel included.
- Share stories rather than sharing opinions. A peaceful holiday makes for better memories!
- Refrain from asking your family member “do you remember?” Help the person tell a story by prompting, “Dad tell the time you and uncle Bob went fishing and he fell in!”
- Avoid correcting the person with memory loss. Just go with the flow. Inaccurate dates, locations, and peoples names are really insignificant. Feelings, not facts is what is important. If a story is repeated, just listen again and help the person feel connected to the holiday.
Thanksgiving may look different this year. You can either focus on the differences or stay in the moment and celebrate what is, not what was.
If you would like more information about our Memory Ministry, our Memory Cafe or Family and Friends Workshops, please contact Vicky at vpitner@firstumc.org.