When the Quiet Begins: When Caregiving Ends
“Quiet is where the heart catches up with the soul, where strength is restored, and where you remember who you are beneath the rush of the world.” — Brooke Baldwin
Family members and friends supporting someone living with dementia often experience “role engulfment.” This is a shift when their identify is consumed by “caregiving,” resulting in a loss of self and neglecting other aspect of their life. Family members that experience “role engulfment” may put their life on hold, giving up a career, hobbies, and personal needs to focus entirely on meeting the needs of the person with dementia.
Because of the constant care to provide the best support for the person with dementia, the person proving care, can begin identifying themselves as a “caregiver,” forgetting their dominant role as a spouse, son, daughter or friend. This is not an intentional transition, but occurs slowly over months or years of providing constant care and experience the physical, emotional, and financial exhaustion.
By establishing boundaries and accepting you are unable to do everything can help to maintain your own personal identity and meet your emotional, physical and social needs to stay healthy. Often doctor appointments are put on hold, and can result in the lack of early treatment of a possible chronic illness.
At some point, your caregiving journey ends, either due to transitioning the person into a memory care community or dies. When the noise of caregiving fades and the “quiet” begins, a new reality sets in. Is this the first time you have ever lived alone? Have you lost contact with friends or family members? Is your health in jeopardy?
Identifying the things you truly enjoy can be the first step. Then assess your physical, social, emotional and spiritual needs and begin meeting those needs. What did you really enjoy? Did you a goals? What next?
Take small steps and don’t feel pressure to discover the “new you” in the first weeks. Navigating the “quiet” isn’t about finding the person you were before dementia became a part of your life, because that person has grown and evolved The goal is to build a life honoring the person you loved and the person you are becoming.
If you would like more information about our Memory Ministry, our Memory Cafe or Family and Friends Workshops, please contact Vicky at vpitner@firstumc.org.