“Good Grief Charlie Brown!”
In the beloved Peanuts comic strip, Charlie Brown’s catchphrase speaks to his quiet despair and unfortunate bad luck that seems to follow him every where he goes. The phrase embodies Charlie Brown’s character of his dismay and frustrations in unfortunate situations.
But is there such a thing as “good” grief? I believe there is. “Good” grief describes the process of working through loss and allowing ourselves to embrace our emotions mindfully, thus rewiring our brains and creating new pathways and fostering growth. When we engage with sorrow and allow ourselves to “mourn” we can move forward by honoring the significance of what we have lost. The feelings of grief are the internal pain we experience, while mourning is the outwardly expression of our grief.
Grief is experienced in many types of losses. When we feel emotions of sadness and confusion, such as the death of someone with a terminal illness, we experience “anticipatory grief.” “Anticipating” that the loss is inevitable can be helpful to prepare for the loss. However, family’s living with a type of dementia, experience a more complex form of grief. When the person living with a dementia is physically present but, through no fault of their own, are emotionally and cognitively unavailable, the “ambiguous grief,” or the conflicting feelings of loss and hope can be profound. Because the person can no longer help make decisions, the grief is like none other.
Validating your emotions and allowing yourself to feel the confusion and understand the “ambiguous” state of mind instead of attempting to resolve the contradictions can be helpful. Be patient and flexible and acknowledge how the loss has changed your future and accepting there isn’t any resolution during this time is important. Holding on to positive memories while accepting your new reality can be the start for understanding the conflicting pain, and perhaps you will begin to see this grief process as “good.”
If you would like more information about our Memory Ministry, our Memory Cafe or Family and Friends Workshops, please contact Vicky at vpitner@firstumc.org.