Living with Dementia and the Importance for Asking for Help
When supporting someone living with dementia, it is often difficult to reach out for help. The person may feel a sense of obligation and are fearful asking for help may make them appear weak. Some worry about how others may judge them, and in some cultures or families, the expectation to support the person without seeking outside help can create feelings of shame.
Often, the family may struggle knowing what specific support they are seeking. Do you need the opportunity to attend to a daily task uninterrupted, but are unwilling to leave the person with someone else? Perhaps calling on a neighbor or friend to join your family member for a morning cup of coffee, but remain in the house and complete tasks that need your undivided attention.
Reaching out and accepting help is very important for your overall well-being. Creating a support circle can be very helpful, especially in a time of crisis. If you suddenly needed to be hospitalized and you are the only person providing support, do you have a plan in place with friends or neighbors who knows your family member well that can quickly step in and support your loved-one?
When seeking outside support of friends or family, try using “I” statements such “I need a break to take care of some personal concerns, can you help me out and stay with my loved one for a couple of hour?” Many family members providing soul support may feel they will be letting person down if they admit “I am exhausted and need a break.”
Practicing even simple requests for help, such as asking a neighbor to pick up milk the next time they go grocery shopping or to bring the mail to your door as you are not feeling well can be empowering. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but an indicator of strength by demonstrating your humility, self-awareness, and willingness to trust others and build stronger and meaningful relationships.
If you would like more information about our Memory Ministry, Memory Cafe or out Family and Friends Workshops, please contact Vicky at vpitner@firstumc.org.