I Think My Neighbor has Dementia
I was having lunch with a good friend last week and she shared a friend’s concern about a neighbor experiencing memory loss and confusion. Her neighbor had also forgotten two lunch dates. The friend’s neighbor lives alone, and the neighbor’s only daughter lives out of state and wants to know what to do.
My friend reached out to me because when I met her seven years ago, she was caring for her mother in her home, who had Alzheimer’s disease. Her mom has since passed away and was delightful and always friendly when I would visit. My friend has a brother who lives out of town and never visited his mother, even after the diagnosis, but did call his mother regularly. So, I became a source of support for my friend and a safe place to vent her frustrations from receiving little support from her brother.
I asked my friend to remind me how her mother’s diagnosis came about. She told me her mother was living alone out of state, and she and her mom spoke regularly on the phone. It was generally small talk, and according to her mom, “everything was fine.” People with dementia can use “pat phrases” in response to questions they may not have the answer for or do not want to answer.
Although my friend spoke to her mom almost daily, she had not visited in a couple of years and had not picked up on anything concerning until her mother called and told her that her electricity had been turned off. My friend called the utility department and was told the bill had not been paid for three months and they had no choice but to turn off the power. Her mother denied not paying the bill of course, so my friend made a trip to check on her mom the next day.
My friend was so overcome with shock and sadness when she walked into her mother’s dark house. Her mother was thin, and in a panic. There were post it notes all over the walls and furniture with reminders to herself, trying to make sense of her confusing world. The food in the refrigerator was spoiled from the electric being turned off, and mail and other unpaid bills were stacked in piles through out the house.
I then asked my friend would she had welcomed a call from a neighbor who likely noticed the changes in her mother. She thought for a few seconds and replied of course I would. She knew the answer to her friends question all along.
Often friends or neighbor see a persons routine change, driving skills becoming risky, or grocery shopping habits cease, but think someone else should handle it. Please don’t be afraid to visit your friend or neighbor and ask simple questions such as “I noticed you haven’t been out in a while, or you just don’t seem yourself and I am concerned for you.” Observe the order of the house and the cleanliness of the person and assess if they are taking care of basic needs. If you are reluctant to try this and have family contacts, reach out or call for a welfare check. It may not be dementia, but another medical need that requires attention.
By becoming aware of early signs of cognitive decline, such as confusion, missing appointments, having difficulty with everyday tasks, repetitive questions or conversations, or personality changes, you can play a key role in helping the person receive services they need and deserve.
If you would like more information on our Memory Ministry, Memory Cafe, or support trainings we offer, please contact Vicky Pitner at vpitner@firstumc.org.